10/22/15 BETA Day

10/22/2015(remember these are all back dated journal entries)

Running Total: $16,812*

The morning of 10/20/2015  was a complete blur. I didn’t sleep at all last night. Today is BETA Day aka we find out if we’re pregnant! Though I have a horrible sinking feeling that we won’t get the news we want. That doesn’t stop us from being crazy hopeful! I keep clinging to the Blue Line Test showing a faint positive. Positive mind! Positive outcome right?…RIGHT!

Right off the bat the nurse asks me “so, any ideas?”….I cry. *sigh*

Dang you Bree, why is it always water works with you here. It’s like she saw right through me, knew my thoughts, my doubts, knows I’m scared. Now I see why they have tissues everywhere in this damn office. I’m obvuiosly not the only one.

Pinch and she’s done. So anti climatic. Now we wait for their phone call.

Since we want to be together when we get the news, we decide to wait until Jason gets home before we answer the call or listen to the voicemail.

Alllllllllllllllllllllllllll daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay loooooooooooooooooong, waiting, waiting and waiting for the phone to ring…for it not to ring but to ring and then not to ring. Feeling that sinking feeling get stronger and stronger but trying to shove that back down. I wish they’d call. NO, I don’t want them to call. Ugh!

He walks in and 15 minutes later the phone rings.

Its the office.

It rings again.

I can’t move.

And again.

“Are you going to answer that?” he asks.

“No!”

Last ring.

*deep breathe*

Waiting for that voicemail tone has never taken so long.

Finally it chimes, I place the phone on speaker and we sit and listen.

“Hi Bree, this is so and so from the office………………….unfortunately this is not the call I was hoping to make. Your pregnancy test came back negative. Go ahead and discontin…..”

I stopped listening. I knew it hadn’t worked. Had that feeling, that sinking feeling. We don’t talk.

I cry.

~B

Todays Appt:

  1. Blood Draw: $14
  2. Labs: $86

Total Today: $100

*rounded number

Blog Posts to come per reader request: IVF vs Tubal Reversal, The Cost of IVF

Need to catch up? Here are the IVF related posts in order:

  1. The Start
  2. 8.20.2015 First IVF Consult
  3. 9/9/15 IVF Drugs & Discounts
  4. 9/15/2015 Meds, Labs, Ultrasounds, Money “OH my”
  5. 9/17/15 Injection Training!!!
  6. 9/25/2015 Day 3 is HERE!
  7. 9/28/15 WTF Lead Follicle Problems
  8. 10/3/2015 Trigger
  9. 10/8/2015 Egg Retrieval Day!
  10. 10/18/15 2WW Woes

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