3/3/2016 A big “F”ET!

3/3/2016(remember these are all back dated journal entries) 

Running Total: $19,654*

Well…..you know how I hadn’t tested in the beginning of the 2ww….ya…..that quickly went out the door and I began testing to make up for the lost time. I’d test in the am, then again in the afternoon….and yes…again that night! HCG slowly adds up over time so you’d def have more in the evening compared to that morning test…right? And this cycle I just have felt so….”pregnant”….I just needed to see one of those tests reflect my feelings.

These were just from one day….no need to give them a look…those puppies are all blank. Stark white. Negative. Nodda. Nothing. BFN.

Even if your still hopeful about the cycle, having negative tests stare you in the face day after day brings you back down to reality. The sorrow starts to sink in.

My BETA blood draw was on 3/2/2016 and by that time I walked into the office hopeless. Knowing it had yet again failed. “None of these eggs are going to work”

I was smart this time and made myself busy during the day so I wasn’t waiting on pins and needles for them to call. I volunteered in class most of the later morning, stayed for lunch at school and just as I got in the van the phone rang. “Can’t run away from them forever Bree”

I still couldn’t bring myself to pick up the call….I let it go to voicemail….again. Deja vu.

We sat….again…and listened….

And just like deja vu, we heard the same damn message as before…”pregnancy test we preformed this morning was negative.” Negative. NEGATIVE. NEGATIVE!

WHY.

WHY isn’t this working….

~Me again…over here not f**king pregnant AGAIN!

Yesterday’s Appt:

  1. $14.00 Blood Draw
  2. $86.00 Labs

Total: $100.00

*rounded number

Blog Posts to come per reader request: IVF vs Tubal Reversal, The Cost of IVF

Need to catch up? Here are the IVF related posts in order:

  1. The Start
  2. 8.20.2015 First IVF Consult
  3. 9/9/15 IVF Drugs & Discounts
  4. 9/15/2015 Meds, Labs, Ultrasounds, Money “OH my”
  5. 9/17/15 Injection Training!!!
  6. 9/25/2015 Day 3 is HERE!
  7. 9/28/15 WTF Lead Follicle Problems
  8. 10/3/2015 Trigger
  9. 10/8/2015 Egg Retrieval Day!
  10. 10/18/15 2WW Woes
  11. 10/22/15 BETA Day
  12. 11/20/15 Finding Distractions
  13. 1/28/2016 Eggs on Ice
  14. 2/28/16 Transfer #2

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